it’s musky aroma
dirt, grass, atmosphere
grey-blue, sometimes green ominous clouds form a line
i’m watching
the smell of life
like a pacifier to my brains broken down wares
a promising refreshment
and a dewy lawn filled with ducks at dusk or dawn
it’s musky aroma
dirt, grass, atmosphere
grey-blue, sometimes green ominous clouds form a line
i’m watching
the smell of life
like a pacifier to my brains broken down wares
a promising refreshment
and a dewy lawn filled with ducks at dusk or dawn
slip through my fingertips baby, if you need to
I don’t want to grip too tightly on you
I only hope you find another love that’s true
And maybe again I’ll find someone like you
Is this what it feels like
To be safe
Being me
Seen
Embraced with ease
Streams inside me
Waiting to break free
Do you have the key?
to start
2, 3, 4, 5 p.m.
espresso
6 p.m.
illusions
buzz
productivity
but is it real?
10 p.m.
fuzzy
page 10
midnight
15 more
dreams
out there
outside
well why not?
letting go
one
by
one.
my fears
drip
drop
dry.
let go, love
you.
warm late spring air
a robin’s call caressing my eardrums
the ground beneath my feet
the smell of the incoming storm
the lingering smell of coffee from the morning shift
the first few drops from the sky
I sit in peace with the robin
cars driving by
the wind blowing some leaves into my lap
I am still
quiet and alone
used to be so loud
quiet and alone
is now peace
Shadow work is an important part of developing your spirituality, but it can be very difficult. I struggle with this myself, especially when it comes to realizing my own ego, traumas, etc.
Most people I have heard of do shadow work through journaling. Journaling can be hard especially for people who have a hard time creating and keeping to any particular schedule (like me). In my opinion though, we can also do shadow work though our everyday lives. By analyzing our actions as we do them and just thinking about what we are doing and thinking instead of going through everyday life like a robot.
The goal of shadow work seems to be acknowledging and recognizing reasons for your actions and thoughts and overall reactions/feelings to things, so that you can see your “dark side”, your ego, unhealed wounds, whatever it may be.
Here is a little brainstorm of stuff you can ask yourself, whether you write it down or just think about it in your head.
for anger:
for sadness:
for other frustration:
Essentially, for any feeling, ask yourself why you feel the way you do and if you need to react the way you are, or if you are making something ultra important that does not need to be.
For deeper shadow work, journaling and meditation could be good. To really get down to the root causes and spend time healing them. I think these two are good together, actively being aware in your day to day interactions and thoughts and changing them, healing them as much you can, taking care of your inner self and inner child as well as digging deeper and deeper to do the deepest healing possible.
For journaling, maybe find a way to make yourself able to do it. For me, this online blog is the best way I have been able to get some thoughts out while occasionally keeping extra personal ones to myself. (Either in a pretty journal, or the notes of my phone, or in my head while meditating or laying down etc). Finding a way to motivate yourself yet not get mad at yourself if you don’t always journal is key. Think of it as a way of spiritual self care and healing. If you share it with others, your struggles could even be a way of helping heal others – and maybe that would be your motivation.
Some promts:
There could be more, but this is a start of a list. Anything you think you might need to address counts. Good luck on you the healing journey.
skating
on the clouds
in the clouds
where ?
unsure
supposed to be
planted
sprouting
earthed…
time
a concept
blended –
when did it start to feel chilly ?
On January 5, 2020 I left for for a country on the other side of the world, completely different, when I hadn’t even been to any countries than the US & Canada. On March 21, 2020 I found out my wonderful time was being required to come to an end, a choice I wouldn’t have made at all.
My last few weeks in Thailand were ones I will remember for the rest of my life. It was spring break, then classes were switched to online/canceled for week, so it was like a two week spring break instead of just a week. I started out going to Bangkok by myself, stayed at an airbnb with a nice view, met up with my now boyfriend a lot, hung out, and then went to Phuket with other friends from study abroad as well (and later-on my (now) boyfriend and his friend would come along as well). I saw elephants, beautiful beaches and islands, wonderful sunrises and sunsets, rode motorbikes, and just went with the flow of things.
I came to Phuket without an airplane ticket back to Bangkok, unsure of when I would want to come back. So, when everyone else left Phuket my boy and I had some time to relax by ourselves before coming back to Bangkok, then I had planned to go back to Hua Hin for school again.
I planned on coming back pretty late, pushing my time in Bangkok to the fullest amount it could be because I enjoyed it much more than being in the smaller beachside town of Hua Hin. Turns out, it was for the best, because classes were cancelled and I ended up staying in Bangkok that entire next week. I had a great week just chillin, watching movies, and walking around with my boy. Then, all of the sudden, people were starting to want to go home. I convinced my parents that it was a better decision for me to stay in Thailand. Then, the next day, the US decided to raise their travel alert to a level 4 and I had to leave and go back home. Can I say, that is the worst way to end the best few months of your life, no exaggeration.
Right at the time when I was feeling the most at peace, the happiest I think I have ever been overall – I had to leave it all. I had gotten into my routines, found what I liked and made me happy, I was not ready to leave. I am still right now pretty pissed off that I had to leave, but I know that despite the fact it was cut short the few months I spent really changed me forever. So now after all of this complaining, I want to talk about the best parts.
Honestly, the way I was living so carefree there made me realize that that kind of life if the one I need to live all the time, anywhere I am at. I also realized I might be much happier getting away from the United States – sorry y’all – but the whole air everywhere here is so fast-paced and kind of rude a lot of the time and so not peaceful (and a lot of ignorant as well, shoutout to STL in particular – again sorry but true). The way I was stressed out all the time before and pushing myself to do too much (shoutout to all the online classes and 18 credit hour semesters on top of 20-40 hour work weeks!) was way too much, and the people I used to hang out with – not all of them were so good for me. I know how to be more at peace now than I ever knew before (but this quarantine is really testing that hard).
So here are some more photos from my trip that I did not post in the last one, all from February – March. 🙂


































































all the above camera photos are from the Phuket area… so now time for the others…






































