Shadow work is an important part of developing your spirituality, but it can be very difficult. I struggle with this myself, especially when it comes to realizing my own ego, traumas, etc.
Most people I have heard of do shadow work through journaling. Journaling can be hard especially for people who have a hard time creating and keeping to any particular schedule (like me). In my opinion though, we can also do shadow work though our everyday lives. By analyzing our actions as we do them and just thinking about what we are doing and thinking instead of going through everyday life like a robot.
The goal of shadow work seems to be acknowledging and recognizing reasons for your actions and thoughts and overall reactions/feelings to things, so that you can see your “dark side”, your ego, unhealed wounds, whatever it may be.
Here is a little brainstorm of stuff you can ask yourself, whether you write it down or just think about it in your head.
for anger:
- am I really mad at this person for what they did or is this coming from something else inside me? (reminders of past issues, trauma, etc)
- what is it I am really mad about?
- am I even truly angry?
- is this that big of a deal to be as angry as I am right now?
- how did I handle this situation and could I handle it differently?
for sadness:
- where does this come from?
- am I letting myself feel or am I more upset because I am trying to suppress my feelings?
- am I taking my feelings out on the other person or myself?
- am I maybe sad about something else and letting it come out at something else entirely?
for other frustration:
- am I really bothered by what is happening, or it it some other reason?
- do I really need to be worrying about this?
- why does this bother me so much?
Essentially, for any feeling, ask yourself why you feel the way you do and if you need to react the way you are, or if you are making something ultra important that does not need to be.
For deeper shadow work, journaling and meditation could be good. To really get down to the root causes and spend time healing them. I think these two are good together, actively being aware in your day to day interactions and thoughts and changing them, healing them as much you can, taking care of your inner self and inner child as well as digging deeper and deeper to do the deepest healing possible.
- To note, I think for some it is beneficial to go to a therapist or have someone to talk to as well. You do not have to deal with everything yourself.
For journaling, maybe find a way to make yourself able to do it. For me, this online blog is the best way I have been able to get some thoughts out while occasionally keeping extra personal ones to myself. (Either in a pretty journal, or the notes of my phone, or in my head while meditating or laying down etc). Finding a way to motivate yourself yet not get mad at yourself if you don’t always journal is key. Think of it as a way of spiritual self care and healing. If you share it with others, your struggles could even be a way of helping heal others – and maybe that would be your motivation.
Some promts:
- what are some things that trigger you to act or feel any certain way that maybe you cannot control? when have you yourself done those same things that other people have triggered you with? where does it come from?
- what motivates you? what keeps you going? now, what takes your motivation away? why? when did this start? do things come easier now than before or vise versa?
- how do you think people see you, and how do you see yourself? what does this conception stem from?
- what are your worries right now? what is worrying about them? now continue to write the reasons why you are worried about the previous thing. the results may make you realize you could be worried for reasons you may need to spend time healing.
- who belittles your emotions the most? how does it make you feel? now, ask, do you also do this to yourself (if you did not say yourself at first)?
- what do you hate? why? (keep asking why).
- what frustrates you? why? (keep going till you find a root cause).
- if you could write a letter to the person who hurt you the most, what would it say?
- did you feel heard as a child? talk about it. in what ways might it be effecting you now? in what ways might you be doing the same to others?
- what is your biggest regret in life? why?
- what is your biggest fear? why?
- what are you most afraid of? why?
- do you feel safe? why or why not?
- are you happy? why or why not?
- what are you still holding on to against someone? why?
- what are you still holding on to against yourself? why?
- do you ask for help? how do you see asking for help? why?
- how do you feel about your emotions and showing them to others? why?
- what makes you happy? what makes you unhappy?
- think about important people in your life. what could you improve about these relationships?
- do you hate anything about yourself? what is it? why?
- what is an emotion you feel that brings out the dark side in you? how often do you feel it? why does this happen/why might it happen? when did it start?
- are you giving yourself the space to feel your emotions?
- are you giving the people around you a space to feel safe and feel their emotions?
- are you respecting others boundaries?
- are you respecting your own boundaries?
There could be more, but this is a start of a list. Anything you think you might need to address counts. Good luck on you the healing journey.
e.d.m. 